How many times have we heard or been told phrases such as “you are exaggerating” or “it is not that bad”? Surely many. Although most of the time these phrases are not intended to make the person who receives them feel bad, the truth is that they have an impact. After all, it’s a way of downplaying the emotions that are being felt.
Feeling is not wrong
The phrases mentioned above are part of learned ideas or judgments. Many family members and even teachers grew up in an environment and time where the knowledge of socio-emotional skills was limited. Consequently, when hearing terms such as those cited, uttered by older people, who perhaps had difficulty understanding their own emotions and, therefore, those of others, it would probably be difficult for them to accompany others in the process of managing these emotions.
However, it is fundamental to relearn and consider that feeling is not wrong. There is nothing negative about us experiencing various emotions and expressing them. On the contrary, invalidating emotions has a detrimental effect on the one who receives that censorship. By not being allowed to express what they feel, people may experience feelings of rejection or judgment, which may lead them to distance themselves or adopt a defensive posture to protect themselves.
This lack of expression can also lead to embarrassment and affect the person’s self-esteem. As a result, they do not externalize their emotions, which can lead to a buildup of emotions and, eventually, overflowing reactions. Aside from affecting self-esteem, the censorship of emotions also influences how we relate to each other and the bonds that we create. This dynamic can be perpetuated with other people who do dare to express their emotions, thus contributing to a continuous cycle.
Let us learn to validate our emotions and those of others
We must overcome censorship to express our emotions, starting by validating what we feel ourselves and what others feel, rather than judging them. It is important to give ourselves the freedom to feel in order to understand that others also have their own history and context. However, it is fundamental to remember that validating the emotions of others does not necessarily mean agreeing with them.
Why is it important to validate the emotions of students and how to do it?
In the school environment, validating the emotions of students is fundamental because it contributes to building their self-confidence and strengthens ties with their environment. To achieve this, it is important that, as teachers, we create a safe space in which students can express what they feel without being judged. Moreover, we must help them to clarify what they are perceiving, communicate it, understand it and accept it.
In order to support students in this process, it is key that teachers not only use words, but also an appropriate non-verbal language, mainly an open and receptive posture. This makes it possible for students to feel heard and understood, which fosters a healthy management of their emotions.
By validating our emotions, educators also encourage students to allow themselves to feel and accept them, an essential step for their emotional well-being. If you liked the note, remember that we have premiered the 5th season of our series Strengthening Socio-Emotional Skills, where we address this and more topics. Watch the full series here!
